# How to Safely Start a Separation in an Abusive Relationship (Canada) If you are in an abusive relationship and thinking about leaving, your safety comes first. Leaving an abusive partner is one of the most dangerous times for survivors of family violence. Research consistently shows that the risk of serious harm or even death often increases when someone tries to end an abusive relationship. This does not mean you should stay. It means you need to plan carefully, build support, and know what legal protections and resources are available to you. This article is written primarily for people in Ontario, but much of the information applies across Canada. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If you need to talk to someone now, the Assaulted Women's Helpline is available 24 hours a day at 1-866-863-0511, or you can text #SAFE (#7233) from a mobile phone. ## What Counts as Family Violence? Family violence is much broader than physical abuse. Under the [Divorce Act](/glossary#letter-d), family violence includes any conduct that is violent or threatening, or that constitutes a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour. It can include physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological and emotional abuse, financial abuse, threats to harm you, your children, your pets, or your property, and harassment, including stalking. It also includes failing to provide the necessaries of life, which means deliberately withholding food, medication, shelter, or other basic needs. If your partner controls your money, isolates you from family and friends, monitors your phone or location, humiliates you, threatens to have you deported, or threatens to take your children, these are forms of abuse. You do not need visible injuries to be experiencing family violence. Understanding this matters because family violence affects many parts of family law. Courts must consider family violence when making decisions about parenting. It is a factor in whether mediation is appropriate. And it can affect your eligibility for legal help and other supports. ## Safety Planning Before You Leave Before you take steps to separate, think about how to keep yourself and your children safe. This is called safety planning, and it can make a significant difference. Start by telling someone you trust about your situation. This could be a friend, family member, coworker, doctor, or someone at a shelter or crisis line. Research shows that having support from even one person outside the abusive household significantly increases the chances of leaving safely. That person can help you think through your options, store important items for you, or provide a place to go in an emergency. Gather important documents if you can do so safely. These might include identification for you and your children (birth certificates, passports, health cards, social insurance numbers), immigration documents, marriage certificate, financial records, and any evidence of abuse such as photos of injuries, threatening text messages, or police reports. If you cannot keep these documents at home, consider leaving copies with someone you trust or at a local shelter. Think about where you could go if you need to leave quickly. This might be a friend or family member's home, a shelter, or another safe location. If possible, visit the location ahead of time so you know how to get there. Pack a small bag with essentials and keep it somewhere your partner will not find it, or leave it with someone else. Be careful about technology. Abusers often monitor phones, computers, and social media. Consider using a computer at a library or a friend's house to research resources. You can clear your browser history after visiting websites about domestic violence, but be aware that this may not remove all traces of your activity if your device has monitoring software (spyware) installed, if you share accounts like Apple ID or Google, or if location sharing is enabled. If possible, use a device your partner does not have access to. If your phone location is being tracked, consider leaving it at home when you go to appointments related to leaving. If you have children, talk to them about safety in age-appropriate ways. Make sure they know their full name and address, and have them practice what to do in an emergency. Pick a safe place outside the home to meet if you need to leave quickly. ## Legal Protections Available There are several legal tools that can help protect you and your children. Which ones are available to you depends on your situation. ### Restraining Orders A restraining order is a family court order that restricts what your partner can do. It can prohibit them from coming within a certain distance of you, your home, your workplace, or your children's school. It can prevent them from contacting you or your children directly or through others. If your partner violates a restraining order, they can be arrested and charged with a criminal offence. In Ontario, you can apply for a restraining order under section 46 of the Family Law Act or section 35 of the Children's Law Reform Act. To get a restraining order, you must show that you have reasonable grounds to fear for your safety or for the safety of a child in your care. You do not need to prove that your partner has already physically harmed you. A legitimate fear based on threats, controlling behaviour, or a pattern of harassment can be enough. Courts have recognized that fear of psychological harm, not just physical harm, can justify a restraining order. To apply for a restraining order, you generally need to have been married to the person, lived with them, or have a child together. If you do not meet these criteria, you may be able to get a peace bond instead (see below). If you need protection urgently, you can ask for a temporary restraining order without giving your partner advance notice. This is called an ex parte order. The court will only grant it if you can show that waiting for a regular hearing would put you or your children at serious risk. An ex parte order is temporary and will last only until a full hearing can be held, where your partner will have a chance to respond. ### Peace Bonds A peace bond is a criminal court order that requires someone to keep the peace and be on good behaviour for a set period, usually up to 12 months. It can include conditions like staying away from you, not contacting you, and not possessing weapons. Unlike a restraining order, you can get a peace bond against anyone, not just a current or former partner you lived with. To get a peace bond, you go to criminal court and explain to a justice of the peace why you fear for your safety. If the justice believes your fear is reasonable, they can order the other person to enter into a peace bond. ### Exclusive Possession of the Home If you are married and own or rent a home together, you may be able to ask the court for exclusive possession of the matrimonial home. This means you have the right to live there and your spouse must leave. The court considers factors like the [best interests of any children](/glossary#letter-b), the risk of violence, and each person's financial situation and housing options. Exclusive possession is generally available only to married spouses, not common-law partners. If you are in a common-law relationship, whether you can stay in the home depends on whose name is on the title or lease. If you are in this situation, getting legal advice is important. ### No-Contact Conditions in Criminal Cases If your partner has been arrested and charged with a criminal offence (such as assault), the court may impose no-contact conditions as part of their bail or release. These conditions prohibit them from contacting you or coming near you while the criminal case is ongoing. Breaching these conditions is a criminal offence. ## Getting Legal Help You do not need a lawyer to apply for a restraining order or peace bond, but having legal help can make the process easier and increase your chances of success. There are several options for getting help, including free services specifically for survivors of domestic violence. ### Legal Aid Ontario Domestic Violence Services Legal Aid Ontario (LAO) has special services for people experiencing domestic violence. These may include a two-hour free legal advice program, available through participating shelters and community legal clinics. Availability and eligibility can vary by location, so contact your local shelter or community legal clinic to find out if this service is available in your area. You can also call LAO at 1-800-668-8258. If you meet financial eligibility requirements, LAO may also provide a certificate that covers the cost of a lawyer to represent you in family court. ### Duty Counsel and Family Court Support Workers If you need to go to family court, duty counsel lawyers are available at courthouses to provide free advice and limited help to people who do not have a lawyer. You do not need an appointment to see duty counsel, but you may have to wait. Duty counsel can help you understand the court process, review your documents, and speak on your behalf in some situations. Many courthouses also have Family Court Support Workers who specifically help people experiencing domestic violence. They can explain the court process, help you with safety planning at the courthouse, and connect you with other resources. Ask at your local courthouse if this service is available. ### Other Free Legal Services The [Law Society Referral Service](/blog/free-low-cost-family-law-help-ontario) can provide you with the name of a lawyer who will give up to 30 minutes of free advice. If you are in crisis, you can call their urgent line at 1-855-947-5255. Several organizations offer free legal services specifically for survivors of violence, including the Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic in Toronto, Luke's Place (which serves women across Ontario through a virtual legal clinic), and community legal clinics in many communities. ## Leaving with Children If you have children and are leaving an abusive relationship, you are likely worried about how this will affect parenting arrangements. Here are some key points. Leaving with children for safety is sometimes necessary, but it can still create legal risk depending on the facts. Even without a court order, the Criminal Code may apply where a parent takes or keeps a child under 14 with intent to deprive the other parent of their lawful care. If you are concerned about your children's safety, get legal advice as quickly as possible and seek an appropriate court order or interim arrangements as soon as you can. Acting to protect your children is understandable, but you want to make sure your actions are supported by the legal process. Courts take family violence seriously when making parenting decisions. Under the Divorce Act, the court must consider any family violence and its impact on the child and on the ability of the person who committed the violence to care for and meet the needs of the child. Family violence does not automatically mean the abusive parent will have no parenting time, but it is a significant factor that the court will consider. When you start a family court case involving parenting, you will be required to fill out Form 35.1, which asks about family violence. You must answer these questions honestly. This information helps the court understand your situation and make decisions that protect your children. Mediation may not be appropriate in situations involving family violence. While courts generally encourage parents to try to resolve disputes outside of court, this is not always safe or fair when there is a power imbalance caused by abuse. The Divorce Act specifically says that family dispute resolution processes like [mediation](/blog/how-to-choose-a-divorce-mediator-in-ontario) should only be used "to the extent that it is appropriate to do so." If you have safety concerns, you may be able to proceed directly to court. ## Immigration Concerns If you are a newcomer to Canada and your immigration status is connected to your abusive partner, you may be worried that leaving will affect your ability to stay in the country. This fear is often used by abusers to control their partners, but the reality is more nuanced. If you are a permanent resident who was sponsored by your spouse, your status does not depend on staying in the relationship. A condition that previously required some sponsored spouses to live with their sponsor for two years was removed in 2017. Your permanent resident status is yours, and you can leave the relationship without losing it. If you have temporary status (such as a work permit, study permit, or visitor status), you may have options including applying for a Temporary Resident Permit as a victim of family violence. This is a fee-exempt permit specifically created for victims who need to escape abuse. You can also explore applying for permanent residence on humanitarian and compassionate grounds. For information about your immigration options, you can call Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship Canada at 1-888-242-2100 and ask to speak with someone about your options as a victim of family violence. Legal Aid Ontario can also provide legal advice on immigration matters related to domestic violence. ## Financial Considerations Abusers often control finances as a form of control. If you are thinking about leaving, consider these steps if you can do them safely. Start setting aside small amounts of cash if possible. Even a small emergency fund can help. If you cannot keep money at home, give it to someone you trust. Try to find out about your household finances. What accounts exist? What are the balances? What are your debts? This information will be important for [property division](/blog/dividing-property-ontario-separation-divorce) and support calculations later. Consider opening your own bank account at a different bank than the one you share with your partner. This can be a place to start building independence. If you need to leave immediately and have no money, shelters can help. Many provinces also have emergency financial assistance for people fleeing abuse. In Ontario, you can apply for emergency assistance through Ontario Works. ## Resources and Crisis Lines Here are some key resources for people experiencing domestic violence in Canada: **In an emergency:** Call 911 **Assaulted Women's Helpline (Ontario):** 1-866-863-0511 (24 hours), TTY 1-866-863-7868, or text #SAFE (#7233) **Kids Help Phone:** 1-800-668-6868 (for young people who need support) **Fem'aide (French):** 1-877-336-2433 (for francophone women in Ontario) **Legal Aid Ontario:** 1-800-668-8258 (for legal help) **ShelterSafe.ca:** Online searchable directory of shelters across Canada **211:** Call or text 211 for local community services **IRCC (immigration concerns):** 1-888-242-2100 If you are looking for a shelter, you can call any shelter, even if it is not in your area. Staff can help you find resources closer to you. Many shelters also provide support to people who are not staying there, including safety planning, referrals, and connections to other services. ## Key Takeaways **Your safety is the priority.** Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous, so plan carefully and get support. **Family violence is broader than physical abuse.** It includes emotional, psychological, financial, and sexual abuse, as well as coercive control. **Tell someone you trust.** Having even one supportive person outside the relationship significantly improves outcomes. **Restraining orders are available in Ontario.** You can apply under the Family Law Act or Children's Law Reform Act if you have reasonable grounds to fear for your safety. **You do not need to prove physical violence.** Courts recognize that threats and patterns of behaviour can create reasonable fear, and psychological harm is taken seriously. **Free legal help may be available.** Legal Aid Ontario may offer up to two hours of free legal advice for survivors of domestic violence through participating shelters and clinics. Availability varies by location. **Leaving with children for safety may be necessary, but get legal advice quickly.** Even without a court order, there can be legal risks. Seek appropriate court orders or interim arrangements as soon as possible. **Immigration status is not a reason to stay.** If your status is tied to your abusive partner, there are options. Speak with someone at IRCC or a lawyer. **Mediation may not be appropriate.** In situations involving family violence, you may be able to go directly to court. **Resources are available.** Shelters, crisis lines, victim services, and legal supports exist specifically to help people in your situation. ### Disclaimer This article provides general information about separation and family violence in Canada, with a focus on Ontario. It is not legal advice and cannot address every situation. If you are in an abusive relationship, please reach out to a crisis line, shelter, or lawyer for support tailored to your circumstances. The resources listed in this article were accurate at the time of writing but may change. For the most current information, contact the organizations directly. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.